#5.12 Event Etiquette in Co-Parenting

on Wed May 10 2023 07:00:00 GMT-0700 (Pacific Daylight Time)

with Darren W Pulsipher, Paige Pulsipher,

We just had a wedding!! Julianne and Boyd were married this past weekend and it made us think about the balancing act that they had to do between 3 different families. How can we help them in their balancing act? There are always going to be big events that you have to attend with your coparent and possibly a significant other. How can we make this easier on the kids?



We just had a wedding!! Julianne and Boyd were married this past weekend and it made us think about the balancing act that they had to do between 3 different families. 
How can we help them in their balancing act? 
There are always going to be big events  that you have to attend with your coparent and possibly a significant other. How  can we make this easier on the kids?
Over time this evolves too. It can also ebb and flow depending on your relationship with your ex.
Polite and friendly should be the very least you should do. 

Dear Mom and Dad,
The operative word here Mom and Dad is My events. You are a guest here and I ask you to act accordingly. My events include but are not limited to:
1. My teacher’s conferences.
2. My athletic events.
3. My musical recitals.
4. My birthday party.
5. My school plays.
6. My school graduations
And later
7. My Prom
8. My going to college
9. My wedding
So here are some guidelines which I ask if you can’t follow, best you postpone coming until you can.
Your Divorce, My Event
My life outside my family’s divorce is very important to me. It is also what keeps me sane in this world called “figuring out two houses by myself.” Whenever I play soccer, I only want to focus on playing soccer. If divorced parents come to watch our games, I don’t want the two of you to stand out. I also prefer you don’t rush to bring your latest “squeeze” and I won’t be able to tell you my preference. When you both have new people in your life, Dad I don’t want you to call Mom’s BF a Pr$%^& and Mom I don’t want you to call Dad’s GF a Wh)(&^*. Yes, this has happened to other kids way too often.
If you use my events to vent your anger at each other, I suffer the most. I am embarrassed, ashamed, and I let my team down because I can’t focus on the game. Keep your divorce out of my events! Don’t use my events for your anger.
Be concerned about me!
Whenever you come to my teacher’s conference remember why you are there. Hopefully, you are there to see how I am adjusting to being the child of divorced parents. My teacher’s conference is not a place for you to compete for who is being a better parent. Ask my teacher how she thinks I am doing and what you can do to be a better parent for Me! My teacher’s conference is an opportunity for you to find out about my welfare. It is an opportunity for you both to make my life easier by listening to my teacher’s recommendations.
Respect Me!
My school graduations, music recitals, school plays, and even my birthday are my events. Therefore, Once again you are a guest! Ask me if I have any requests from you. Do I care if you sit together or apart? Let me know who is bringing me and who is taking me home. If you have feelings about any of the logistics, work it out with your therapist.
I understand if I have one or two contentious divorced parents you will always sit away from each other. Don’t scream or yell at each other it is my event. Never try to make me feel guilty if I hug both of you and am nice to both of you. Don’t tell me I can’t say Hi to my other parent or even try to keep me from greeting my other parent. Yes, this also happens all too often to kids. Once again remember this is an important event for me. Remember it is not about either of you!
Move On
The more you do your inner work and move on from the divorce the better things will be for me. I don’t want to be your confidant. I have to figure out love after going through the trauma of my parent’s divorce.
And, I cannot figure out your love life so zip it. When I go off to college, leave home, get married, and/or all the normal things people do, I expect you both to be focused on what I need not each other and your unfinished business. By the time I get married and I have to figure out how to handle two families to my finances one please understand. Divorce doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Divorce doesn’t have to be the most traumatic event of a child’s life. When parents divorce as adults, get an adequate support system, reinvent themselves, and move on we all benefit. So to recap:
1. Remember it is my event and you are a guest.
2. Remember no anger allowed at my event.
3. Remember no unfinished business at my event.
4. Remember I will be greeting and hugging both of you.
5. Remember ask about how I am doing if appropriate.
6. Remember I want all of us to happily land on our feet.
It’s pretty simple really. My events are important to me and for me. Please use them to be the great parent I know you can be.

Lemonade moment of the week:
Broken down car, Broken garage door, Rain, cold, Nothing could stop the wedding.

⦁ https://www.divorcemag.com/blog/how-to-attend-an-event-as-co-parents
⦁ https://backbonepower.com/etiquette-for-divorced-parents-attending-their-childs-events/

★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
Podcast Transcript


Hello, this is.

Darren and this is. Paige.

And this is.

Where we talk aboutwhat happens when life through you lemons.

You make some lemonade.

Meaning some weeks it's lemons.

Yes, some weeks it's just lemons.


On today's episode.

Event Etiquette for co-parenting.

We just had a great wedding.

You sure did.

Julianne and Boyd got married.

Just what to watch today.

I've lost track of time.

List last week.

Saturday, Sunday,

May three, a couple of days ago.

So it's been a whirlwind.

All thosethat have been listening to podcasts,knowing we've missed a couple of weeks,that had a lot to do with metraveling a little bitand also getting ready for the wedding.

It's been very busy around the house.

Yeah, it's been busy and a good busy, butyeah, trying to get everything ready andand do things around the houseand get ready for the wedding.

So it's been fun.

I can't think of any bigger eventthat a parentin a co-parenting situationhas to deal with than probably a wedding.

When you say that.

Yes, it is a lot.

And if you don't have a good workingrelationship with your ex.

Yeah, that I just.

I can't even. Imagine.

I can't even imagine how challengingthat would befor the child.

For the child.

Right. Like, I'mnot even thinking about the adults.

Like, oh, how hard it must be for theadults, for the child trying to navigatea contentious relationshipbetween your two parentsand trying to get marriedand all that would be very.

Very that would be very hard.

Like who pays for what?

Yes. Whose house is, you know.

Which venue is it going to be?

Where is it going to be?

I would think that most kidswould just say,

I'm just going to get marriedas far away from both parents as possible.

No one's invited.

But that was not the case for us.

It was not Julianne and Boyd were a dreamactually to work with for the wedding.

And they did such a good job at balancingthree families this past weekbecause Boyd's family came into towna week before the wedding.

So they had three familiesthat they were trying to make timefor spend time with whilestill getting ready for the wedding.

I mean, they they had a big balancing act.


And I thought they

I thought they did a good job.

In fact, we just talked to themand they're not on their honeymoon.

They're doing a staycationfor their honeymoon.

So we talked to them on their drive back.

Yeah, that sounds weirdthat our kids just got marriedthree days ago and are talking to them.

We're not controllingweird helicopter parents.

They're in the car.

Drive just a little bit, I promise.

I was thinking thatwhen you were just on the phone with thembecause you were just seeinghow the drive was going.

I'm like, This is so weirdthat we're talking to them.

That's a 910 of the drive.

Yeah, No, but I'm just saying,because they're not doing a traditionalthey did not take a honeymoon yet.

They stayedtwo nights here, which we still saw themboth days.

That was a little weird. Yeah.

So they went to,they spent the night in hoteland then came backand we opened presents and had lunch.

And then they spentthe night at the hotel.

And then they came back to seeeverybody again before they took off.


So not a typical situation?

No, it wasn't.

But I understand they were trying to.

A family's far awayfrom where they're, they're movingso they're trying to see everyonebefore they go back up to school. Yes.

And they're going to have a a honeymoonstaycation because there's a lot of tripsthat they have coming upin the next few months that.

So, you know, there's only so much moneyto go around for trips.

Yeah, that is true.

And there was someso when we were looking at the wedding,there is always awkwardnesswhen you have blended familiesand co-parenting and these big events likewhat is the etiquette on thisand what and what about this?

And, and there's always some time,some miscommunicationor there's lots of landmines,

I guess is the right word to say, right?

Yeah, Yeah, for sure.

For sure.

I mean, there's a lot going onwith a weddingand there's like, you know,you make a big checklist, right?

And you've got to figure out,you know, as the childthat's getting married,you're figuring outif your parents haven't talkedand divided things up, then the childhas to help divide things up or,you know, it's all it's a lot.

It's a lot to handle it.

But you know what?

I think it went off pretty smooth.


Yeah, I think so, too.

I think things got divided, right?

Kind of right upfront of who was doing whatand who was paying for what.

Kind of got divided fairly quickly.


In our situation and.

Through just a couple small, minor.

Oh, I thought you were going to do that.

Oh, I was going to do that.

No problem. It resolved itself.

But that's very different for for those ofyou that are in a traditional family,non blended family,and you're parenting in the same house,there's a lot of communicationthat just happens naturallywhen you're in co-parenting.

That communication doesn't happenlike it used to.

So there's there's a lot of thingsthat can be missed.


And some things,you know, at the very last second.

So it'll be like what's happeningwith this?

And we're looking at each other going.

I don't know. I don't. Know.

Aren't you the groom's?

Aren't you the bride's father?

Yeah, Yeah.

We're like, I don't know.

We did not get the memo on that one.

And then, you know, then people are like,

Oh, I'm sorry. It's.

It's just,you know, like I said, it's a lot.

It's a lot going on. And I just.

I just continually wanted to be like,how can we make this easierfor the bride and groom?

Because they were they're trying so hardto balance everyone and everything.

And I just kept saying,

How can we make this easier?

How can we make this easier?

Right? It's already a stressful time.

A wedding is a stressful timeand a lot going on.

And I just wanted it to make it easierfor them.

Well, and it's interesting because we saidwe got to do a podcast aboutour experienceand the things that we thought went welland the things thatmaybe we could have communicated betteror or come up with a different strategy.

Until you started reading articles on thisand you found this incrediblelittle articlethat I thought was pretty done pretty.

Well, Yeah, it's done really well.

Yeah, it's called my it's like,almost like it's a letter.

It says, Dear Mom and Dad.

And but the letter is titled My Eventsand yeah.

So it's just it's the perspectivefrom a child of divorced parents.

And it was it was interesting wasn't it.

And we kind of when you read it to me,we kind of laughed a little bitbecause, oh, we mess this up so bad.

Yeah, sometimes. Right.

Other times you said, Ohyeah, we actually did pretty good on that.

Well, and over time.

You get better. Things evolve, right?

It and it can ebb and flow dependingon your relationship with your exand depending on where that stands.

So you know what I mean?

Like it's an ebb and flow.

Like sometimes you're like, Wow, okay, weyou know,we handled that event really welland then a couple of months later,you're like, Whoa, what?

You know, I don't know what just happenedthere, but we did not handle that well.


So it's but as as the yearsgo on, you get much better at it.

And I think no matterwhat at your kids event,no matter what even is a weddingor a birthday or a graduation, a.

Sport of a.

Sport of a school event, at the very leastyou're youshould be polite and friendlyat the very least.

So even if you're you're likelooking at your ex going,

I don't want to look at you.

I don't want to talk to you.

I can't stand you. It's not about you.

It is not about you.

So at the very least, you have to be.

You have to be.

I'm telling you, I'm telling you,you have to be polite and friendly.

Well, it's not just the co parents eitherin especially in eventsthat are big events like a wedding.

You've got extendedfamily there, too. Yes.

And you may have to sit downwith some of your siblings or your parentsor aunts and uncles and say, be nice. Yes.

Or you may have to say,you know what, it just be cordialor whatever the case may be.

Yeah. Remember, it's not about you.

It's about your child's event.

That's right.

Don't be selfish to me.

That's very selfish.

If you're making it about youand your feelings.

It's not.

It's not about you in your face.

It's about your child and their dayor their event and their feelings.

Know I can't think of a better gift.

You can give your childat their wedding too,to just be polite and nice and show unityin this joyous occasionthat you're having with your kid.


All right. Hey,let's talk about the article.

I love the way it was phrased.

Dear mom and dad,these are my events, right?

I love it.


It says you are a guest hereand I ask you to act accordingly.

My events include but are not limited to.

All right, this is good. Yes.

My teachers conferences.

I never would have thoughtthat as an event. Right.

My athletic events, my musical recitals,my birthday parties, my schoolplays, my school graduations, and latermy prom, my going to college, my wedding.

We had all these.

We have had every singleone of these happen. Yes.

And which one do you thinkwe botched the most at first?

Oh, well.

I'd say the teacher conferences.

I wasn't at those.

But you were at those, like I.

That's right. Right.

As a you don't usually typicallyas a significant other or a spouse of.

Or a stepmom.

You tell me that you would notgo to conferences like you.

You don't need ten people in the room.

You just let mom and dad handle that.

So, yeah, those those weresome challenging times in the beginning.

When you were. Especially when your kidsare having problems.


And remember,your child is just gone througha very traumatic experience in their life.

Their parents have split up a lot of timeswhen it first happens, they areprobably going to have some issuesat school, parent teacher conferences.

The teacher is going to tell you, Hey,

Johnny seems a little bit moreintrovertedor maybe he's acting out in class,whatever the case may be.

This is not the time to get defensive.

Yes, I think that can definitely happen,especially in the beginning.

Right, when the feelings are still raw.

Yeah. And that happened.

That happened with me. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. You become defensive.

I it wasn't me.

That was my fault. Not at my house.

Oh, he acts out when he's with his momand going from his mom to to school.

Never from my. Never.


Everything in our house, it's beautiful.

Yeah. Yeah. So, yes, I think you're right.

I think there's a lot of defensivenessin the beginning.

Right? Yeah. Yeah.

And you're and once again,you're making that about yourselfand not about your child.

When you're sitting theredefending your right,how you're handling things,that is making it about you.


Instead of focusing on the child.

Well, and that's the first pointthat it says in the letteris, hey, it's your divorce,but it's my event.

And this is from the kid'sperspective, right?

Yes. So okay, so let's read this first.

I like this.

So it says my life outside my family'sdivorce is very important to me.

It is also what keeps mesane in the worldcalled figuring out two houses by myself.

Whenever I play soccer,

I only want to focus on playing soccer.

If two divorced parentswant to come watch our games,

I don't want the two of you to stand out.

I also, before you, don't rushto bring your latest squeeze and

I won't be able to tell you my preferencewhen you both have new peoplein your life.

Dad, I don't want you to call Mom'sboyfriend a whatever any. Boy.

And Mom, I don't want you to call Dad'sgirlfriend blankety blank. Yes.

This has happened to other kidsway too often.

If you use my events to vent your angerat each other, I suffer the most.

I'm embarrassed, ashamed,and I let my team downbecause I can't focus on the game.

Keep your divorce out of my events.

Don't use my events.

For your anger.

So true. Wow. Like I.

I want to, like, publish.

I wish every divorce familycould read this.

And because it's just.

It's from the kids perspective, right?

Like, stop making things about youand think about me.


And yeah, and I can hear it already.

Some parents. What?

I was thinking about youwhen I brought my new squeeze.

Because this is going to be your new daddyor your new mommy andyou need to like them,and then they need to attend your things,right?

No, they don't. Yes.

And they don'twant you to come to their eventand see the two of you arguing. Right.

You and your ex.

The kids do not want to see that.

Like keep that out of the know.

Doesn't mean that you need to sit togetherat the sporting event.

You know what?

So I read a different articleand it said ifif you have gotten to that point,absolutely you should sit together.

They said there's nothing better for a kidthan to look out and seemom and dad sitting together.

That's not giving the kida false sense of mom and dadare going to get back together. No, no,

I don't think so.

I don't think so. I think it'smy life has youknow, a bomb has been set off in my life.

And look,at least some things can still be good.

And the two people that I love the most,right.

Can sit around and highfive each other at my game or right now.

Now, not everybody can do that.

We're not saying that everybodyshould do that and not everybody.

In high five each other

With a grimace on your facefor your high five.

You did, but Johnny. Yes.

So you don't have to sit together.

That's ideal.

Like literally that would bethe ideal situation that you sit together.

I would say that's probablynot going to happen most of the time.

That's what I'm going to say.

What do you think?

I would say? Especially at the beginning.

Yeah, especially the beginning.

But So sit apart. That's fine.

That's fine. Sit apart. And.

But don't. Don't be mad at your child.

If they go hug mom firstor thing, you'll have Dad first.

Don't, don't place any guilt or shamethere.

And also and we've done this.

This is one thingthat we actually did the beginning.

If we took the child to the event,then we made surethat after the event, if they cameand hugged us first and said, How do I do?

We say, Great, now go hug your mom.

Yeah, we made sure.

We made sure to say goodbyeto the other parent,make sure to acknowledgethe other parent. Right.

That's that, to me is very importantbecause it shows unity and it showsyour child that there are other parent,which is half of them matters, right?



All right. Read the next. Okay.

The next one, Be concerned about mewheneveryou come to my teacher's conference.

Remember why you are there.

All right. I'm big guilty of this one.


Hopefullyyou're there to see how I'm adjustingto being the child of divorced parents.

My teachers conference is not a placefor you to compete.

For whom is being the better parent.


I here asked my teacherhow she thinks I am doingand what you can do betteras a parent for me,my teachersconference is an opportunity tofor you to find out about my welfare.

It's an opportunity for youboth to make my life easierby listening to my teachersrecommendations.

I love this because I think a lot of timesthe teacher conferences are an opportunityfor exes to go,

Well, if you were to do thisand if you were to join.

Us always late on Monday. Yes.

Johnny's always at your house on Monday.


I think that that.

Homework is never done on Fridaysbecause Johnny's at daddy's house.

Yeah, I've, I've,

I've participated in that myself.


And I've seen that too.

Yes. The blame game and the pointing.

And that's when sometimesyou do have to work those things out.

And sometimes there is a parentthat's better at getting things doneand getting homework doneand turned in better than.

And sometimesone parent is better at getting the kidto school on time than another.

That is just true.

But in your if in a traditional family,that's true too, right?

Like those things are going to happen.

You have different personalities.

Well, and we've even worked that out like,yeah, I'm better at math homeworkthan my exand she's better at English homework.

So if the kids had math problems,they would actually come over,

Even if it wasn't my night to say,

Dad needs to tutor you in math to helpyou understand this stuff,you got to be flexible.

Remember, it's about the children.

About the child. Yeah.

So these. Things.

So I like to say that your parentteacher conference focus on the child,what is importantand what is going on with the childis don't be sitting therethinking the whole time,because I understandyou're going to be sitting therelooking at your exthe whole time going, Oh.

You know, and you're thinking, okay,she just said this.

You say this right?

Or he just said, Oh,

I'm going to counter with this. Yep.

No, stop it.

Listen to the teachertalk about your child.

And if you're sayingyou're not doing that.

Maybe you aren't.

Now, when you're first divorced,of course.

You know everybody.

I don't know. Everybody.

Come on.

You don't know everybody.

I don't. You don't know everybody.

You don't. But.

But I know.

I know. I'm not alone.

No, of course you're not alone.

But we don't.

Every situation is different.

But we know that a good portion,when you first get married,there is bitterness and there isconflict.

Yeah, right.

And you are sitting there with each othergoing all.

Round. Or so.

Yeah, you're right.

You're planning your next,you know, your next jaband the other parentand that's not focusing on the child.

So we're helping you.

We're helping you speed the processalong of messing up your child.

Like, let's.

Just skip.

The whole, you know, the first yearversus second year.

It's you can just do so much damageto your child.

You know, it's interestingbecause I can see where people would beusing teacher conferencesas like a therapy session.

Oh, gosh,the poor teachers. The poor teacher.

I feel bad for you. Guysand the poor teachers.

Oh, okay. The next one respect me.

My school graduations, musicrecitals, school plays,and even my birthdays are my events.

Therefore, once again, you are a guest.

Ask me if I have any requests from you.

Do I care if you sit together or apart?

Let me know who is bringing meand who is taking me home.

If you have feelingsabout any of the other logistics,work it out with your therapist.

I love that.

I understand.

If I have one or two contentiousdivorced parents,you will always sit away from each other.


Don't scream or yell at each other.

It is my event.

Never try to make me feel guiltyif I hug both of you.

And I'm nice to both of you.

Don't tell me

I can't say hi to my other parentor even try to keep mefrom greeting my other parent.

Yes, This also happensall too often to kids.

Once again, remember,this is an important event for me.

Remember, it is not about either of you.

So guess what?

You are going to have all of these thingswe just married that we justmentioned, school graduations, musicrecitals, school plays, all those things.

Right before birth, you're going to haveall of thesethings come up several times a year.

You're going to have these things come up.

And once again, it's about the child.

It's not about you.

Well, this could get tricky sometimes.

What if, like, for us,we always have a tradition after musicrecital to go to ice cream afterwards?

Yeah, we've always done that, right?

We've done it for years.

But what if we don't have the kidswhen we have?

We just went to a music recitaland they look at us and say,

Now this hasn't happened to us. Yeah.

But they look at us and say,

Are we going ice cream?

But they're not on our time, rightduring that time.


I mean, our kids knowthat we won't be getting ice creambecause they're not with us.

Yeah, but.


Little kids would have a hard. Right?

Yes. Yes. Yeah.

So in those situations, it'sbest to talk to the two.

Your ex, the co-parent about the traditionand invite themor have them do that tradition with them.


So that they're not missing outbecause it is about them, not about you.

Well, and you have your spouse.

And one thing you have to remembersometimeswith the inviting, like you said,maybe invite them to get ice cream,

That might be

I don't think the kids alwayseven if you think that you can do thatand be polite and friendly,

I don't think the kids always want thatunless you have an amazing relationshipwith each other.

I think it's awkward for the kids.

So but like I said, on here, set on here,ask me.

Right? It said on here.

Ask me,do I care if you sit together or apart?

Let me ask me.

Ask the child and you know,do you want mom, you know,do you want mom and stepdadto come to our ice cream with us?

Ask them.

And they might say yes.

And they might say, You know what?

No, I'll do that tomorrow night with them,or I'll do thatthe next time I'm with them.

And if they say yes, then suck it up,

Suck it up and just be like, okay,this is what they want.

But yeah,

I think especially as the kids get older,when they're younger, they don'tthey don't catch onto all of the tension in the room,but when they're older, they absolutelyfeel all the tension in the room.

So they as they get older,they don't want you in the same roomfor some events because they feel.

If there's still tension there, of course.

They're like, you know what?

We'll just have to celebrate itand that's fine.

Okay. The next section is move on.

This reminder.

It made me want to sing Let it Go.

Yeah. Right. Yeah.

And the more you do with your inner workand move on from the divorce,the better things will be for methat I don't want to be your confidant.

That is so important.

Do not let your kid be your therapist.

No. Yeah.

You have to figure out loveafter going through trauma of my parent.


The kids are trying to figure out whatlove is after after a traumatic divorce.

Know so. So.


I like what they said there. Move on.

And like what you said, don't.

Don't use your childas a confidant. Right.

Did you see your dad's new girlfriend?

What a hussy.

Right. A word, Hussy, hussy.

I think so. Yeah.

That's an old word. Yeah.

I'm aging myself. Yeah, Yeah.

And then it says when I go off to college,leave home, get married,all the normal things people do.

I expect you both to be focused onwhat I need, not each other.

And you're unfinished business.

By the time I get marriedand I have to figure out how to handletwo familiesto my fiance's one, please understand.

So we justwent through this right nowand had her two familiesand boy, had his one, his great family.

And they were trying to balance all three.

And Iyou know, my heart kind of broke for themthat they're trying to divide timebetween all three.

And I thought they did a really good.

They did a really good job.

And, you know, if we talk to themand ask them how stressful that was,

I bet they would say it was

It was stressful.

Yeah, they did a really good job.

So, I mean, I hope we we made thingsas easy as possible as we could for them.

I didn't want them to feel likethey had to spend,you know, every minute with usbecause we knew that they werewere being pulled when she you know,she had friends that came into townand cousins and bridesmaids.

And I mean, she had so much going onthat,

Yeah, we were trying to be supportive.

Who was it?

One of her friends said,

I am glad I got married during COVID.

Yeah, we could. Yeah. Yeah.

All the moving partsthat go into a normal wedding.


So I would also say, okay, I like this.

It says.

So to recap.

All right, here's the recap.

So this is the recap.

As a child of divorced parents, remember,it is my event and you are the guest.

I remember knowing or allowed in my event.

Rememberno unfinished business at my event.

You are like that one. Remember?

I will be greeting and huggingboth of you.


Ask about how I am doing.

If appropriate. Yes.

I don't know what that means.

This is inappropriate.

Why would it not be appropriateto ask the kid?

No. I can see where a parent would sayyou were just over your dad's.

How are you. Doing? Oh, okay. Like,you know.

Yeah, like almost trying to find outinformation.

Trying to find out information or kind ofgive a little bit of a jab in there.

Like this must be really difficultthat you have to spend time with your dador whatever.

Yeah, no, I get there, I guess, like,if you are like, they're with both parentsand you're hugging them both and talkingto both. And you, how are you doing?

Is this okay? Like,that's weird. Yeah. Don't make it weird.

Yeah, I remember.

I want all of us to be high.

I want us.

I wantall of us to happily land on our feet.

That was what I couldn't.

I couldn't read that one.

So it says it's pretty simple.

My events are important to me.

And for me,please use them to be that great parent.

I know you can be.

I think the key on this oneis to know that your child loves youregardless of how much timethey spend with you at the event.

They still love you and they and theynotice if you're there or if you're not.

They absolutely do.

Go to those swim meets, go to the games.

Even if your ex is going to be thereand you're like,

Oh my goodness, it's going to be awkward.

Go, go.

You don't have to sit with them, butyour child needs to see your face there.

They need to see thatthey're supported by both parents.

So go go to those activities, even if it'shard for you, it's not about you.

You already messed upyour kid's life, you know, It'sall right.

Are eliminate Moment of the weekis all about the wedding.

The lemonade was greatfood, great company.

The lemons were in abundance.

There was a lot going on, wasn't there?

Yeah, I would saythe first one was probably the rain.

So. Yeah.

So here, this is our third weddingin the last seven months, right?


So all three weddingshave had the possibilityat the last minute of rainand I'm like, seriously?

Like all three bodieswere outdoor weddings.

And not just a little bit of rain.

We're talking like thunderbolts,rain all through.

So this one, here we are.

It's going to it's going to be outside.

It's going to be lovely.

The reception was going to be outsideand beautiful.

And there's the threat of rain, like rain.

And we're like, oh, my goodness.

And in fact, it rains up to about

I did. Like downpour. Hail. And lightning.

So at the last minute, everyone's right,you know, runningtables out, running the decorations out,running the food out.

And yeah, kind of crazy, kind of crazy.

So weather weather was lemons,but the receptionended up being total lemonade.

It was beautiful and wonderful.

All right.

Another major lemon, one of our childrenthat was driving here,

Rachael and Amanda and the girls.

Yeah, well, girls,

I've got three grandkids now,so I have to remember girls and boys.

Their car broke down on the way here.

About an hour away.

They called and said, What are you doing?

And I'm like, waiting for you.

They're like,

Oh, well, can you come get us?

So this was about an hourand a half, 2 hoursbefore we were hosting a swim partyat the house with

Julian's new in-laws.

Yes. And his. Family and his father.

His brother and their kids.

And so I missed I missed most of that.

I was like, okay.

And we knew Paige was the onethat had to go because I was grilling.

I was it was no big deal.

No big deal.

But it turns outthe car was not a full loss.

There was just a sensor that went south.

So the car still works,which was good. Yes.

And then all of the next day,right before the rehearsal dinner,which was at the house,we had a grilldelivered and I put it in the garage.

And when I went to pull the garage doordown, it brokelike stuck solid.

Could not we don't have anwe don't have an automatic garage doorbecause that broke a long, long,long time.

So you just have to, you know,pull it up and down and you pulled it upand you went to pull it downand it was stuck up.

So we had herewe've got like 40 people at our house.

There's so much going on and there's we'venow got repair guys and theirthey keep knocking on the door to talk to

I mean.

Yeah, yeah.

So but it, it was like a comedy of errorsthat was going on,but in the end it was wonderful.

We got to meet Boyd's family.

Great family.

We had a lot of fun with themall. My family came intotown and your mom and your sister came inand it was.

Yeah, it was just great to seeall the family together and have fun.

It was.

It was great.

If you like today's episode.

Give us five stars on iTunes, Spotify,


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And check out our blogat WherestheLemonade.org

Where you can leavequestions and comments.

Add. But most of all.

Go out and make some lemonade.

You betcha, baby.