#1.21 Open Communication with your Spouse, Kids, and Exes

on Wed Jul 17 2019 07:00:00 GMT-0700 (Pacific Daylight Time)

with Darren W Pulsipher, Paige Pulsipher,

Open communication is important to any relationship. Don't mistake open communication for transparency like we did. Transparency is about visibility, open communication is more about how, when and where you communicate. In this episode find out how Darren & Paige muddle through their journey to open communication in their marriage.


Keywords

#blended #relationships


Open communication is important to any relationship. Don't mistake open communication for transparency like we did. Transparency is about visibility,  open communication is more about how, when and where you communicate. In this episode find out how Darren & Paige muddle through their journey to open communication in their marriage.


In Marriage

  • Be Timely 
    • (Don't put it off, but make sure it is an appropriate time), Pick the right time.
    • Not when you are too angry.
    • Read the room for the mood.
  • Be Flexible
    • Conversations don't always go as planned.
    • Don't get attached to the way you planned the conversation, you will be disappointed in the direction it takes.
    • Move with the dialog. Bend with it and work with the direction it is going.
  • Be Patient
    • No one communicates perfectly.
    • Listen to what they are saying instead of planning your perfect response.
  • Be Intuitive
    • There are more than words when you are communicating.
    • Listen to understand the feeling behind it.
    • This is not an excuse to twist the words of your partner.
    • Read between the lines in a good way, not a bad way. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
    • Not everyone is a good communicator.
  • Be Accepting
    • Hard to communicate when you are filled with judgment.
    • Let your partner know that you care and love them.
    • When you are feeling judged you just want to shut down.
  • Be Honest
    • Honesty is one of the most important aspects.
    • Clarity, love, and gentleness
    • Don't dodge the truth for fear on how it will be perceived, you will build bigger walls.
  • Take responsibility, you are in control of the way you communicate with your partner.
  • You cannot control how your spouse communicates. You control yourself, but hopefully, in time they will reciprocate your communication style.

With the Kids

  • Why is Open Communication is important for our kids?
    • If we don't tell them things they make it up. They fill in the gaps, which can be far worse than reality.
  • Example of Sam finding out why his parents got divorced.
    • Timely
    • Respect of everyone else involved.
  • Make sure your kids know the custody schedules and any changes to the schedule.
    • We use a Google Calendar that they can see.
    • Use a weekly "sync" meeting with the kids to talk about weekly schedule and changes.
  • Don't use the kids to communicate with your Ex!!!


With your Exes

  • Be flexible with communication with your Ex
    • Many marriages end because you could not communicate effectively in the past. 
    • Divorce does not fix communication problems. It makes it 100x worse.
    • Move with the dialog, bend with communication. Don't be on the defensive.
  • Be timely with communication with respect to children's well being. Try and keep emotion out of it.
  • Remember you are no longer married and you respect boundaries and timeliness


Lemonade Moment of the Week

Darren and Paige learn from this episode about their own communication patterns and make changes to improve.
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Podcast Transcript